Mood: Completely Over It
Today begins my quest for a new job.
Things at work have been going from bad to worse. Admittedly, things have been on the decline for a long time, and incidents that transgressed over the past two weeks have shown me that I really need to leave, and soon.
A few days after my Branch Manager’s resignation was officially announced, I was informed by someone who I thought was a friend that I had started a vicious rumour that a mass exodus was on the cards for the remaining members of my division. My now former friend (FF) told me that my GM was aware of my indiscretion and that she was absolutely livid with my behaviour, and I was to expect some form of counselling / warning / etc.
In addition to this improper behaviour, I was told by FF that the reason I was not put forward on to other projects was because I was not seen as a professional consultant, mainly due to the fact that I was always seen to be gossiping.
Problem was: I did not say anything to anyone remotely resembling what I was being accused of saying.
To say I was upset by these comments would be an understatement. I asked everyone present if I’d said something to that effect to any of them, and they all said no. I racked my brains to recall what exactly I said to other people about my BM’s resignation and came up with nothing that sounded anything like what I was accused of saying. I even read and re-read my previous blog about work to make sure I didn’t mention anything of that nature. The more I delved into my memory, the more certain I was that I was in the clear – that I did not say what were being attributed as my words.
I was so upset by the unfounded accusations that it took my (very gorgeous and ultra patient) boyfriend 45 minutes to calm me down. After talking through my next courses of action (which included going to work and focusing on work and not be seen gossiping to anyone – which was the same advice FF gave me), I felt strong enough to face the music, if there was music to be faced.
I spent the following days expecting to be called into my GM’s office for the formal counselling session. My stomach was in knots for days as I waited for a hand on my shoulder signifying the start of the "we need to talk" talk. Guess what? It never came.
The day after the upsetting news, when I was focusing on work and keeping my head low, a comment was made about how "detached" I seemed. Pfft. Whatever.
I somehow made it to the end of that week – thankfully, it was a short week and Easter provided some much needed time away from work.
The farewell lunch for the BM was held on the Tuesday straight after Easter. I had not intended to stay on after the luncheon, but felt compelled to stay for one more drink, and then another, and then another. Before I knew it, it was 8.30pm and definitely home time. I have no idea what was said about my lack of attendance back at the office after the luncheon, nor do I care – my Line Manager did not appear to have a problem with me staying on, and he said so in so many words the following day.
Wednesday morning was another interesting kettle of fish. The minute I arrived at work, I was asked into the GM’s office, where she told me and a colleague that another senior staff member (the divisional National Operations Manager) had resigned. The GM said she had hoped to keep the news under wraps for a few more days before making the official announcement, but due to unforeseen circumstances, she had no choice but to make the announcement earlier than expected.
I was stunned when I found out that the NOM had quit – he was the most senior member of staff in NSW, and with the BM gone and his replacement not commencing until the end of April, his resignation was literally the last thing I expected. I was so shocked by the news I could barely speak.
Then came the bombshell. The reason the GM was making the announcement was because news of the resignation had been leaked by someone within the division and the news had travelled as far as QLD. She made a point of saying that one of our QLD team members had heard the news at a function in Sydney, the same function where FF told me about the rumour I alleged started.
In all honesty, my heart flew into my mouth. I froze as I thought back to all of my alleged indiscretions if I had mentioned anything about the NOM leaving the company. I worked myself into a frenzy trying to work out if the leak could be pinned on me and rummaging through my memory to recall exactly what I may have said that could result in disciplinary actions.
And here’s the kicker – I had no idea about the news, so I couldn’t have said anything, and therefore I could not possibly have been the leak, nor could I be accused of it. And it took me nearly 24 hours to finally reconcile myself with this fact.
For the second time in as many weeks, I worked myself into a state of hysterics. And in order to preserve my sanity, I chose to keep to myself and did what I had to do at work without saying anything not immediately related to work to anyone, just so no one could accuse me of starting rumours. I went and found a bunch of tasks to complete and quietly carried on.
That night, I went over to my friends S and B’s place and blew off some steam with a couple of bottles of wine. I talked through the dilemmas of the past weeks and gave them what I thought was happening at work – that there was a game player amongst the group (FF) and he was planting the seeds of doubt and causing problems just for the hell of it. I was a soft target and played right into his hands.
For the remainder of the week, I tried to stay out of everyone’s way, and focused on my plate and completing my tasks. That was up until Friday morning, when I was cornered in the kitchen by FF.
Without so much as a greeting, FF launched into a tirade that started with "Are you going to work and be normal next week, or are you still going to be no speaky and unreliable?" When I asked him to clarify his initial statement, FF then followed up with "If you aren’t going to do something that you promised to do, then just tell me so I know you’re not going to do it, because if I can’t rely on you to be professional, then I just won’t work with you."
So further clarification was sought, and FF said "I can’t work with you if you’re going to behave like you have – you are so emotional all the time and I am tired of riding that emotional roller coaster of yours – you’re here and then here and then here and it’s different every day, and I’m tired of it, and it’s unprofessional, and if you can’t be professional, then I won’t work with you".
I eventually found out what he was ranting about – I wasn’t on hand to help him with a tiny little order of morning tea on Wednesday. FF had been running workshops for 2 weeks, with the same morning tea being delivered at the same time to the same place every day, and he was upset that I wasn’t there for ONE day to help him – when all I ever did was unwrap the platters and leave them in the kitchen for his workshop attendees to help themselves.
Fucking princess. Fucking drama queen.
Have some more rope, dear – you’ll hang yourself soon enough.
A girl can only take so much. I’m over it. I’ve been with this company since November 2004, and have mostly enjoyed the last 3.5 years. But I do think I’ve well and truly served my time – and hey, some murderers have done less.
It’s time to go, G.
To my friends who have supported me through this ordeal thus far, thank you for your kind words and pearls of wisdom, and all the other help and support you have provided to date. Fingers crossed it won’t be long before I’m in a happy place again.