Mood: Pondering and Tired
I have had a large number of very strange dreams recently.
Most of the dreams involve an ex-boyfriend from one time of my life or another. There are 2 regular stars, Simon (my most recent ex) and LJP (who I’ve previously blogged about but in a moment of weakness and stupidity, I took down some really great pieces of writing because he was apparently upset by my "lies").
The dreams are quite vivid, and I can generally remember most of the dreams in the first hour after I wake up. The details tend to fade quite quickly after that. After waking from the dreams, I am always tired and grumpy, mainly because the dreams jolt me awake a number of times during the night before I fall asleep again. These dreams are disrupting my good nights’ sleep and I’m completely over them.
Anyhoo, it’s fair to say that dreaming about these two people is freaking me out. Simon and I have not spoken to each other since February 2006, about a month after I left him. After what I thought was a fresh start for me and LJP as friends in March this year, we haven’t spoken since I told him about my blog and he tore me a new one over the entries. So why am I dreaming about my ex-boyfriends?
The dreams with LJP are not too bad – we sit and talk, but then we disagree about stuff and it escalates into a loud disagreement, and then he sits back and looks at me, crosses his arms, smiles, and then disappears.
The ones with Simon are a bit more taxing. In one scenario, he yells at me and I get so upset that I wake up heaving for air, as if I had been crying hysterically to the point where I can’t breathe any more. In another, he is chasing me with what I thought was a knife but he is actually holding a big black torch.
The latest one was the most strange. The dream starts with this girl tapping me on the shoulder. The girl is the spitting image of Simon’s current girlfriend, who he started dating a few months after I left him; who I have never met. She starts talking to me, and then for no reason, she starts yelling at me about something going wrong, and it being my fault even though whatever she is yelling at me about has nothing to do with me. I turn to walk away from her and I run smack bang into Simon, who starts yelling at me about the same thing. I try to tell him it had nothing to do with me but he keeps yelling at me. I turn away from him, but his girlfriend is now double teaming with Simon and I’m sandwiched between them, both yelling at me.
I wake up soaked with sweat, and sometimes, with tears as well. My heart is pounding through my ears and I am gasping for breath, just like I was when I rang my mum the day after I left Simon.
I wish I knew what my dreams meant. And I wish I can stop them. I’m a bit over the whole broken-sleep-due-to-crazy-assed-dreams thing.
I always try to make light of the yucky bits in my life. There is always a silver lining in every cloud – and I have to believe that or I’d never get out of bed and face the world. So, in dealing with my string of trippy dreams, I thought I’d consult the Blogthings Gods.
Your dreams seem to show that you’re very preoccupied with your fears and problems.
These bad dreams indicate that you need to spend more time on your issues during the day.
Your dreams tend to reflect your insecurities.
Your dreams indicate that you have very conflicted feelings.
You have a very vivid imagination and a rich creative mind.
Crap. I have nothing. No witty comebacks. No self deprecating humour to combat that one. True, I can get quite preoccupied with my problems – look at all the entries about the work situation. I have a large number of insecurities, and I have some very conflicted feelings, especially towards LJP – I want to hate him so much, and I’ve tried that, but ultimately, I still like him, a lot. Which is not a good thing.
Since Simon, I’ve dated but there has been nothing serious. I haven’t let myself get too involved because I just don’t feel I’m ready to get hurt again. So, again, I turned to my Blogthings Gods and asked if I was ready for a new boyfriend.
You’re over him… well, mostly.
Truth be told, you still think of your ex on occasion.
Enough to affect any new relationship you may start.
Give yourself time and space – you are 90% there.
And don’t swear off men, just make sure to play the field.
Good. Almost ready is good. I like that answer.
In which case, this entry serves as a warning to the all the lovely men out there. Here’s a sneak peak of what you get with the whole G package.
You are truly an amazing kisser.
Your kisses are extraordinarily mind blowing.
Whether you’re naturally a good kisser or not, you’ve taken the time learn how to be the best kisser possible.
Anyone would be lucky to get a kiss from you!
Off to bed now. I’m hoping for a dreamless night.