It’s official – I attract idiots.
In the space of 2 weeks, my Idiot Beacon has proven to me that it is working in over-drive mode. Case in point is the email I received today from someone who I have previously told, in no uncertain terms, to never contact me again.
For the purpose of this blog, this particular idiot will be known as “Eejit”. Eejit and I dated for a short stint last year. I use the word “dated” very loosely, because the relationship lacked the benefits of dating in every sense of the word. The whole thing ended very acrimoniously in September, with me vowing zero contact with him until the end of time.
Then, a month later, I get this:
I hope you are well.
I just wanted to write you a quick letter and apologise for my behaviour earlier in the year, it wasnt a good time for me personally (thats not an excuse) and I didnt treat you the way you deserved to be treated.
Thanks for being so kind to me at that time and coming to see my basketball games and making an effort to spend time with me.
I’m back to normal now and up & running and enjoying the world again & I have a new job over in North Sydney.
I don’t really have anything else to say because I dont know how you will respond to hearing from me again.
So i’ll just say once more, I’m sorry and I was wrong.
Hope you are well 🙂
Too dumbfounded at the time to respond, I parked the email for 6 weeks before responding:
Curiosity got the better of me, even though I have tried to fight it for the past 6 weeks.
I’m not sure what you would like me to say to your email – what kind of a reply you are expecting, what kind of reaction you had hoped to raise out of me. By the sounds of things, you have had a chance to reflect on a number of things that have happened this year, and the ramifications and effects you have had on certain situations.
You are right on the money about poor treatment and bad behaviour. We all act and react differently to things based on how we are feeling or where we are tracking in life. Had I not taken our relationship so personally, had I been more detached, I honestly don’t think I would have been hurt as much as I was – fool is me for treating what we had as something special.
Eejit, you hurt me. A lot. I don’t think there is any other way of putting it.
For your sake, it’s good to hear that you have come out the other side and seem to be getting on better with life. Good luck with it.
Almost instantly, I get a response from Eejit:
Nice to hear from you,
I wasn’t looking for ANY reaction, I just wanted to say I was sorry because I know it was wrong what I did.
You were very good to me in the time we were close, and I really appreciate that. What happened is in the past now, I know I was wrong and I have forgiven myself for it, and moved on. If you choose to forgive me or not, thats your choice, all I can do is apologise.
If you’d ever like to let me make it up to you, in a materialistic way, let me know.
If you’d prefer to keep your distance, I couldn’t blame you at all,
I had but one response:
All is forgiven, but never forgotten. As I can never bring myself to trust you again, it is best I keep my distance.
Eejit thanked me for my forgiveness and told me to take care and stay safe. I thought that would be the end of it.
Today, I receive this:
I hope you are well.
Sorry to write and bother you again, I was just curious, I think that you had one or two of my shirts, I was wondering if you still have them?
If so can I pay for you to post them to me, or come and pick them up, or organise something as i’d like to get them back.
Thanks, and again, sorry for the hassle.
Moron! Idiot! As if I would have kept anything of his stuff anyway!! Why in God’s name would I want to hang on to anything that would serve as a constant reminder of how stupid I was? Moron! Idiot! After deliberating for a minute as to whether I should respond, I replied with the following, but only so he wouldn’t be able to call me a thief for keeping his worthless garbage:
I gave them all back to you. I hold nothing that belongs to you.
Considering I have confirmed that I have nothing that belongs to you, and I do not wish to speak to you any time in the near future, please respect my wishes and do not contact me again.
Of course, Eejit just had to have the last word, and this is what I got back:
Relax, I wasn’t planning too. I was just making sure I had gotten everything back.
I assure you im not interested in further contact, and won’t make any.
NRN (No response necessary)
Incidentally, just for kicks, below is the point by point response that I should have sent to Eejit’s email from last year:
Eejit (E): I wasn’t looking for ANY reaction, I just wanted to say I was sorry because I know it was wrong what I did.
Me (G): Right – you weren’t looking for any reaction – so why did you write to me you ignoramus fool? Keep saying sorry, bucko, because that’s the only word I want to hear out of your mouth. What you did was unforgivable – remember that, because someone, somewhere, somehow will treat you the way you treated me – it’s called karma, and it WILL come back and bite you in the butt – hard.
E: You were very good to me in the time we were close, and I really appreciate that. What happened is in the past now, I know I was wrong and I have forgiven myself for it, and moved on. If you choose to forgive me or not, thats your choice, all I can do is apologise.
G: Yes, I was TOO good to you when we were close. I’m soooooo glad you appreciate it now, because you certainly didn’t show it when you had it you ungrateful git, and you treated me like crap for being good to you. I’m soooooo glad you know you were wrong, and I’m even more glad that you are big enough to forgive yourself and courageous enough to move on – what do you want from me – a frigging medal? Yes, finally, I’m given a choice – hallelujah Jesus Christ Almighty – and for a moment there, I thought I was a slave with no choices in life … FOOL!
E: If you’d ever like to let me make it up to you, in a materialistic way, let me know.
G: What, so you think you can buy your way out of everything in life? Trust me, kiddo – you can’t afford me.
E: If you’d prefer to keep your distance, I couldn’t blame you at all.
G: Blame me?? What?? What the hell kind of apology has this entire email been? You know what I would prefer? You crawling into a hole and shrivelling up, or castrate yourself so you can’t reproduce and inflict any more harm to this earth. Strive to be a Darwin Award winner – that’s what I really prefer.
One more time with feeling – MORON!